[Given by Chris Juchau at Stake Conference, April 2017.]
In her wonderful talk, “Teaching the Doctrine of the Family,” Sister Julie Beck said that the three great “Pillars of Eternity” were put in place in support of eternal families. She said,
The Creation of the earth provided a place where families could live. God created a man and a woman who were the two essential halves of a family. It was part of Heavenly Father’s plan that Adam and Eve be sealed and form an eternal family.
The Fall provided a way for the family to grow. Adam and Eve were family leaders who chose to have a mortal experience. The Fall made it possible for them to have sons and daughters.
The Atonement allows for the family to be sealed together eternally. It allows for families to have eternal growth and perfection. The plan of happiness, also called the plan of salvation, was a plan created for families.
When we speak of qualifying for the blessings of eternal life, we mean qualifying for the blessings of eternal families.
Families are, of course, wonderful. But, as we all know, the fact that family relationships exist does not mean that there is nothing but constant goodness and harmony inside those relationships. Being married in the temple certainly does not, by itself, make for a celestial marriage. Nor does going to Church together every Sunday guarantee that Dad and Mom will be kind to each other at home, that youth will be honest with their parents, or that brothers and sisters will be loving and supportive of one another.
Yet, regardless of our current family situation—whether in a mostly happy family or a too-frequently unhappy family; whether divorced or not yet married—we must realize that Sister Beck is teaching true doctrine: each of us living in and contributing toward a successful eternal family is the ultimate goal and has been the purpose of our Heavenly Father’s plan for us from the beginning. He wants us not only to return to Him, but to return to live as He lives. That means men becoming great husbands, co-leaders, and fathers. And it means women becoming great wives, co-leaders, and mothers.
This morning we answered questions submitted by youth. Among the many excellent questions submitted, this one was one of my favorites: “How can I prepare to be a good wife and mother?” It would be good if every young woman asked herself that question frequently—and if every young man frequently asked himself how he can prepare to become a world-class husband and father.
To the youth listening today, I repeat: your becoming great partners in a marriage and great parents to your children is the destiny God desires for you. Perhaps in this life, but certainly in eternity, nothing that I know of will bring you greater joy and satisfaction. For me, I am nowhere near the great husband and father that I need to become, but in addition to keeping myself aligned with God, those are, by far, my most important personal goals.
For those sisters with unfulfilled desires to marry or who have been let down in marriage, I suggest patience, faith, and ongoing preparation—and assure you that you have our support and respect. Patience is one of those things that sounds really great until you’re the one who has to be great at it, but the alternatives are even harder. Please do all you can to remain (or become) aspirational in this regard.
Now, how do we create harmony and goodness in our families and within our family relationships?
Let me share with you three instances of personal failure related to that question in the hopes that they will be instructive. There are many moments in my life I feel ashamed of, but I’ll limit today’s sharing to just three. All three of these were during my youth.
The first is a very specific moment. I am the third of five children. The oldest is my one brother and numbers 2, 4, and 5 are my sisters. We didn’t fight much in our family. My brother never fought with anyone, period, ever. My older sister and I were probably the two feistiest of the children, with me the worst. One evening when I was probably about 10 years old and my older sister about 13, she and I got into a fight about something. She being three years older than I and, hence, able to easily beat me up, I knew to keep our fight to words and not to fisticuffs.
I have no idea today what we were fighting about that evening but something made us both angry and things escalated to mean words right on the edge of getting physical. I don’t recall what she said to me but I remember at one point being so angry and wanting to lash out so badly that I considered what I knew to be the nuclear option. I knew full well that there was one word I could use that would cut her to her very core and hurt her more than anything. For a split-second I weighed in my mind whether I should say something so hurtful (I can remember this moment like it was five minutes ago) and to my shame I let my worst demons get the better of me. And the moment I did, I knew it hurt her just like I expected.
To Lauri’s tremendous credit, I feel today no sense of lingering bitterness over that moment years ago and probably other moments that I don’t remember so well. She is a tireless wife and mother with a wonderful family and a great soul. It’s my privilege to be her brother, and I very much wish that I did not hurt her that day like I did.
The second story isn’t really a story. It’s just more of a general bad memory—in this case, involving my two younger sisters. When I was about 17, Michelle and Nanette were about 15 and 10. My older brother and sister had gone off to adulthood and I was the oldest of the three kids left at home. My life was pretty good. I wasn’t the most popular at school or the smartest or the best athlete or anything, but I had friends, did well in school, had a good job, had a lot of fun, and generally enjoyed a very positive life.
My younger sisters—both of whom, like my older sister, were and are wonderful people—weren’t having as smooth of a time as I was. Being 15 is hard under virtually any circumstance. Being a 15-year-old girl certainly brings challenges I’ve never experienced. I didn’t really know much about the challenges Michelle was facing because I wasn’t really paying attention to Michelle even though we were fairly close together in age. I was paying even less attention, probably, to Nanette who was even further removed from me in age.
And this is the problem. I was completely self-absorbed. Far too focused on myself to give any thought to how my younger sisters were doing and how an older brother might have helped them. I couldn’t have removed their challenges for them, but I believe I could have done much more to validate them and to encourage their confidence by showing genuine love and interest in them and by spending some time focused on them. I didn’t.
Whereas my sin with my older sister was one of commission in calling her something hurtful, my sin with my younger sisters was one of omission—for failing to even show up as the older sibling they probably could have used.
The last of my three stories did not occur in a regular family setting but it is instructive nevertheless.
I was called to a mission in northern Germany. My two months in the MTC were wonderful. I made good friends, we worked really, really hard together. We were anxious to be great missionaries and, after two months in the MTC learning and thinking about how to be a great missionary,… I had all the answers.
When I met my trainer in Germany, it took me no time at all to be disappointed. This is not to my credit.
Elder Barton knew how to do two things really well. In retrospect, he knew how to do two things exceptionally well. He worked hard and he was obedient. At the time, I figured those things were pretty good, but I thought that working “smarter” was a whole lot better than working “harder.” Elder Barton and I left our apartment every morning at 9:30. I don’t recall it ever being 9:31. We came home every evening at 9:30. I don’t recall it ever being 9:29. For 11 of the 12 hours in between every day, we knocked on doors—and sometimes we ran between doors.
I thought I was so much smart. I felt bad that I was not assigned to someone who would focus on members both active and less active—and use his teaching skills and people skills to extract golden investigators from them. I knew everything there was to know about missionary work and I regretted my misfortune. What an immature fool l was! Fortunately, it only took me about a month to figure that out and grow up.
If I could assign a mission companion today to any of my children or to any youth from our stake, I would pick someone just like Elder Barton. We did the two things that mattered most. We worked really hard. And we were meticulously obedient. And the Lord blessed us. How embarrassed I feel today to think that I thought myself smarter or better than Elder Barton. And how grateful I am that he and the Lord taught me to grow up a little. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love and respect Elder Barton today and how grateful I am for him.
In those three sad stories are three lessons for happiness in family life.
From my story with Lauri, it’s easy to see how a lack of self-control can damage a family relationship.
From my story with Michelle and Nanette, it’s easy to see that to be a good sibling (or spouse or parent or child), you have to show up and care and quit focusing your whole self on yourself.
From my story with Elder Barton, it’s easy to see how pride and a lack of humility can keep a person from learning and growing and from seeing clearly. Humility and gratitude are so much better!
The Church’s “Proclamation to the World” describes with fundamental clarity the path to happiness in our family lives—and, I believe, in our personal lives. It says:
Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of:
- work, and
- wholesome recreational activities.
In his 2007 talk titled “Divorce,” Elder Dallin Oaks said to members who are contemplating divorce, “I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation.”
Implicit in his references to repentance and reformation is the idea that I need to focus on my repentance and reformation, not my spouse’s need for repentance and reformation.
It stands to reason that unhappiness in family life is most likely the result of departures from the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ—and that at least part of the answer lies in successfully exercising the control that I can exercise over my own contributions to:
- Work, and
- Wholesome recreational activities.
I should not have to say but will also mention… Our doctrine is that men and women are equals. A man’s priesthood office gives him the responsibility to serve his wife, not the right to exercise authority over her in any regard.
On this Easter Sunday, let us see clearly the connection between the Doctrine of the Family and the Savior. He atoned for our sins that we might gain the joy that comes to celestial marriages and celestial families. Our achieving that goal rests upon our placing Him and His gospel at the center of our lives. Actually achieving celestial marriages and celestial families depends on each of us acquiring His attributes and in treating each other the way He would and does. Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
[Given by Chris Juchau at the Priesthood Leadership session of Stake Conference, April 2017.]
Good morning, Brethren. It is Easter Sunday. I would just like to share a few words with you about the Savior before we break into groups.
A week ago yesterday I had the privilege of touring the Vatican. We were in a small group of about twelve, mostly Americans, being led through by our Catholic Italian guide, Laura, who was knowledgeable and passionate. It felt like there were a half-million people there as we squeezed through dense crowds to see, among other things, the Sistine Chapel, the works of Raphael, Michelangelo’s Pieta, and four sainted Popes whose caskets lie inside and not just underneath St. Peter’s Basilica.
It was both a fascinating and, at moments, a claustrophobic tour. For me, there were two particularly moving moments.
The second of the two came after we’d been through the Vatican Museum and the Sistine Chapel and were inside St. Peter’s Basilica. As you know, old European Cathedrals are basically laid out in the shape of a cross with the highest point in the ceiling typically formed by a large dome at the intersection of the cross. In St. Peter’s, this point is tall enough to accommodate the Statue of Liberty underneath it.
As we approached this point at the end of our 3.5-hour tour and I was walking alongside Laura, she said, “And now we enter the very heart of Christianity.” I was immediately and deeply struck by the incorrectness of her words.
The heart of Christianity is not a physical location. Yes, there are sacred places. But I have been to the Garden Tomb and to Bethlehem and the Sacred Grove—and the heart of Christianity is not there, either.
The heart of Christianity lies within my heart and your heart. For me, it is in that portion of my heart and soul that loves God our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ whom He sent. I strive for that portion to be more than a portion—to be my entire heart and my entire soul—and to love them with all my heart, might, mind, and strength.
The heart of Christianity lies also in His heart and in the love that He has for you and for me. His love is perfect. It is perfectly kind, generous, patient, good, forgiving, just, and merciful. His love withstood unfathomable pain and suffering that you and I might receive forgiveness and sanctification.
The heart of Christianity will be found wherever I am—and for you, wherever you are—provided that we remember the Savior and are striving to be one with Him. He said:
I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman.
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
My other moment came earlier in the tour when Laura was explaining the Pope’s Coat of Arms and showed a painting of Peter receiving two keys from the Savior—one gold and one silver. I was, in that moment, filled with gratitude for the reality of priesthood keys and for their restoration to the earth today. Those keys are found in the restored Church. Many in this room right now hold priesthood keys or have in the past. President Smith here holds keys for ordinances in the Mount Timpanogos temple through which eternal families may be formed. President Killpack, represented here today by President Lindley, holds keys to bless the lives of non-members in our stake.
Just a week prior to our visit to the Vatican, fifteen men stood in the Conference Center in Salt Lake City and spoke to us one by one. Each of them holds all of the keys once held by Peter and others. Those keys are with us and they are exercised on our behalf.
As priesthood leaders in the Highland Utah South Stake, all that we do should be for the purpose of helping individuals and families come to the Savior. All that we do should be done under the direction of legally authorized representatives of God who hold his authority and the right to exercise it.
On this Easter morning, I wish to testify of the Savior and express my gratitude for Him and for His restored Church. My testimony involves faith and agency. It has not yet been replaced by what Alma calls a perfect knowledge. But that does not mean it isn’t very well grounded and doesn’t rest on a strong, solid foundation.
I have felt the Spirit many times in my life. Occasionally in very large ways. Frequently in smaller ways. I have experienced a joyful connection with the Savior through repentance and forgiveness. I have tried (not completely successfully, but I have tried and do try) to live the gospel. I have many weaknesses. I know that bad things happen to good people. I also know that in all circumstances, there is a sweet and reassuring peace that accompanies me when I strive to live the gospel—and an emptiness and darkness when I don’t.
I often think of myself like the man in the ninth chapter of John, who was blind from his birth and who, after having been granted the gift of sight from the Savior—and then grilled repeatedly by the Savior’s opponents as to how he came to see—said, “One thing I know, that, whereas I was blind, now I see.”
Like all of you, I hope, I am growing and maturing in my faith and testimony and in my familiarity with the Spirit. Day to day personal growth seems quite imperceptible, but over time it can be significant in each of us. Like the blind man, I don’t know everything, but increasingly I know that I am seeing more and that I am seeing more clearly because of the Savior.
Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world. He is, very personally to me, my Savior. He is, I hope personally to you, your Savior. He rose on the third day. The empty tomb said everything we claim it said. He stands at the head of this Church and it is His authority we bear. None of us here bears all of His authority, but we bear the portion that has been delegated to us. If we bear it well, we will bless many lives, including our own.
May you and I come ever closer to knowing Him, to feeling his love, and to developing His attributes. May we find healing in Him and may we help our family and others for whom we have stewardship find that healing—and ultimately that peace that passeth all understanding.
I testify that Jesus Christ is the Living Christ—and the son of the living God—in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
[Closing remarks by Chris Juchau at the conclusion of the adult session of Stake Conference (which was comprised of Q&A), April 2017.]
Brothers and Sisters,
This has been an unusual evening. We decided to solicit your questions because we are anxious to address the things of greatest concern to you and hoped that this approach might allow us to at least try to help in the areas of greatest need. We also want you to know that your questions and concerns are important to us and we wish to be helpful to you even if, like you, we also don’t have every answer to every question.
Many thanks to our Relief Society presidency for their willingness to seek and receive inspiration in the things they shared tonight. There was a question tonight about valuing women. This is a church for men and women. We are equal. Holding priesthood offices does not make husbands or priesthood leaders any more equal than women. Why men hold priesthood offices and priesthood keys, I do not know. But everyone who has been paying the slightest bit of attention during their life knows full well that both men and women need the perspectives, points of view, insights, and inspiration that come to and from women.
Let me just make four quick points as we wrap up the evening.
First, as has been said, when there are things that we don’t know, let’s please remember the things we do know. These include that God is our father and that while He desires to help us and does help us, solving all of our problems for us and answering all of our questions in perfect clarity are not part of this phase of his plan for us.
Faith and agency are essential. But there is no faith where there is no uncertainty. And there is no agency where there is no opposition. Both uncertainty and opposition are going to be with us and we should not be caught off guard by either of those when they are with us
We do have the Light of Christ.
We do have the gift of the Holy Ghost.
We do have inspired leaders.
And we do have the spiritual gifts and experiences of others around us.
All of which can help light our way as we move forward with faith in spite of adversity and opposition.
In the hymn “Lead, Kindly Light,” we sing the words, “Lead, kindly Light (note “Light” is spelled with a capital “L”!) amid the encircling gloom;… I do not ask to see the distant scene—one step enough for me.” And so it is that if we will trust the Lord, He will light the way for us. Not, likely, the whole way in vivid detail from this moment to the ultimate end. But enough to reward our trust. Let us move forward with faith, striving to learn as we go. Let us not attempt to entirely replace faith with our current learning that is not yet perfected.
Second, let us do the things that will strengthen us as we go through life’s challenges. Sometimes standing at a pulpit and admonishing people to say their prayers and study their scriptures feels a lot like a parent telling their teenagers to remember who they are or their children to look both ways before crossing the street. We fear the eyeroll in response. Jacob seems practically to have given up in exasperation when he said, “Oh, be wise. What can I say more?”
Of all that can be said, few things are more important than inviting people to develop their relationships with God, which will be done by conversing with him in prayer, hearing from him in scripture, and learning through the Spirit in the house of the Lord. Life is hard. But just as adequate sleep, exercise, and nutrition will make life better without guaranteeing an absence of hardship,… prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance create spiritual strength which makes life better endured and appreciated.
Third, let us be patient and submissive. If you want to find peace in life, then quit being angry at life’s injustices and inequities. What right would I have to more justice and equity than were experienced by the early pioneers who gave all they had to come to Zion only to freeze and starve to death before getting here. None. And I know it. Instead of anger and bitterness, choose faith with its three companions: trust, hope, and submissiveness.
Let us also be patient and submissive in the acquisition of answers to our questions. Truth is revealed “line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little” and “unto him that receiveth, I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.” Patience is rewarded. Impatience is, essentially, punished. As the Savior said, “In your patience possess ye your souls.”
Fourth, let us lean on each other more. Utilize your priesthood leaders. There is a fear of priesthood authority within some in our Church. We have ten wonderful bishops in our stake. I have two of the finest counselors I could possibly hope to serve with. The thirteen of us are committed to helping you through difficult things as best we can. If that involves sin, we’re not out to get you. We’re anxious to help you. Please let us.
We also have wonderful Relief Society presidents in this stake—incredible Relief Society presidents! And High Priest Group Leaders and Elders Quorum presidents. The bishop is not required for every problem or question. He is required where a judgment must be made regarding worthiness. He is required where Fast Offering funds may be applied. But he is not the only person who can advise you through a financial, or marital, or addiction problem. Get help where you can get it, but if you need it, get it!! And don’t avoid the very people who can help you, including confidentially.
Brothers and Sisters, let me close with my testimony. Joseph Smith saw our Father in Heaven. He saw the Savior. Physically. In person. They spoke to him. He received priesthood and priesthood keys from John the Baptist, Peter, James, and John, Moses, Elijah, and Elias. The quintessential importance of families was revealed to him. The sealing power was given to him. Temple covenants, ordinances, and ceremonies were revealed to him.
Fifteen living prophets today each possess all of the priesthood and priesthood keys that Joseph Smith did.
All of that happened that we might come to the Savior, that we might come to Him through valid covenants, and that we might come to Him, ultimately, as husbands and wives, as families. That we might be exalted and live as our Father in Heaven lives.
That is exactly what will happen to us if we make the covenants we need to make and if we strive to yield our hearts completely to God as we strive to keep the letter and the spirit of those covenants.
May you who are so striving feel the love and acceptance of the Savior and of your Father in Heaven. May you believe in them enough to allow yourselves to feel their love and acceptance. If you are not so striving, then repent quickly because your choice to submit to those covenants, or not to, will have consequences. And if you repent sincerely, you are sure to discover that repentance is a joyful and rewarding thing.
This is the Church of Jesus Christ. I so testify in His name, amen.