On Modesty
From stake video message, October 2022.
This topic has been on my mind for quite some time. I’ve mentioned that publicly on a couple of occasions and somebody told me the other day to finally get off my duff and say whatever it is I have to say. So here I am to say a few words about the quality of modesty—which is much more a trait of character than it is a manner of dress or undress.
It seems to me that modesty was a topic we would often hear spoken of in the Church—maybe 10, 20, 30 years ago—but which is seldom addressed today. When it was spoken of, it was almost always (in my memory, at least) spoken of in the sense of wearing sufficient clothing to cover our bodies in the right places—but was seldom spoken of in terms of its broader meaning. I think that discussing modesty so narrowly—without the context of its broader meaning—left people with too little understanding of the ”why” issues behind modest dress.
Dressing modestly is important. It’s very important. And it’s very important for everyone, male and female. The topic of modest dress as it relates to men and boys has been heavily under-addressed in my view. Modest dress absolutely applies to men and boys. It is important for women and girls also.
But let’s put modest dress in the context of the whole word.
Helpfully, the Church’s website defines modesty as “an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior.” It adds, “If we are modest, we do not draw undue attention to ourselves. Instead, we seek to ‘glorify God in our body and in our spirit.’”
The ideal example of modesty in its broadest sense was, of course, Jesus, who was constantly trying to deflect the praise and credit given to him and redirect it toward his Father in Heaven whom he sought to glorify. He didn’t do this by pounding his chest and pointing to the sky when he did well or by kneeling in prayer on national television. He certainly never celebrated himself through a “missionary farewell.”
Modesty in its total sense is closely related to other God-like attributes such as humility and meekness. One does not imagine a meek, humble person trying to draw attention to themselves, being loud or flashy or visibly self-absorbed. Perhaps the charge we receive in the temple to avoid lightmindedness and loud laughter refers in part to living our lives in ways that reflect attitudes of modesty.
Modesty seems to be born from a proper understanding of ourselves and who we are—including our gifts and potential—and our weaknesses and limitations. A modest person sees in themselves seeds of divinity, of potential, of strength and has respect for who they are—such respect that they do not degrade themselves by untoward dress, language, behaviors, and self-spotlighting.
A modest person also sees that other people are equally important and divine—and that God, himself, stands so far above us in terms of his development and perfections that we are each small in comparison to him and ordinary in comparison to others—which, again, demotivates us from trying to place ourselves above or beyond others.
A modest person neither over-estimates nor under-underestimates his or her significance relative to God or to others.
Immodesty, including in language and behavior (and dress), is distracting and incompatible with the Spirit of God.
The pursuit of immodesty is also self-destructive. Our true value is found in knowing our place and relationship to God. It is found in learning to see ourselves as He sees us. It is found in relying on His strength and on His abilities and His perfections more than on our own. When we seek to establish our value based on how we are heard or seen by others, it only leads to forms of attention that do not provide the healthy sense of value and the healthy perspective on our importance that we could all enjoy.
Immodesty is also related to a negative word we hear in the temple: defile. To defile something is to turn it from holy to profane. It is to take something with divine significance and de-value it.
In the temple, we are told that if we are faithful and do not defile the garment, then wearing it will bless and protect us. (Personally, I don’t think the protection spoken of there is particularly physical. Jesus said to fear not the things that can hurt the body but to fear the things that can hurt the soul—and I think the protection provided by the garment is consistent with that. Perhaps it may help protect us physically also—we certainly hear stories from time to time of such things—but I doubt that’s the primary point.)
We would defile the garment by treating it with indifference or by reducing its value or significance in our own hearts. We would defile the garment by failing to hear and receive the message that God is trying to send to us by giving it to us to wear night and day.
When we are immodest in dress, we may defile the garment by minimizing it, which can occur in many ways.
When we are immodest in words and behavior, we may not defile the garment directly, but we do distract from things of the Spirit and we do defile the things of God. Jesus said to the Nephites, “Hold up your light that it may shine unto the world.” That would sound like an invitation to immodesty and to drawing attention to ourselves if it weren’t for the next sentence, which says, “I am the light which ye shall hold up—that which ye have seen me do.”
John the Baptist said, speaking of Jesus, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”
To be modest is to hold up the light of Jesus. Not by holding up the light—or the language, dress, or behavior—that says, “look at me,” but by having the quietly strong and humble attitude of looking to Him and gently trying to help others do the same.
I believe that modesty is an attribute of strength, and that immodesty is an attribute of weakness. The outward signs of modesty or immodesty—whether behavior, language, or dress—are simply outward signs of the quiet strength we either have or we lack.
Each of us, however, can gain that quiet strength by exercising faith in the Savior and faith in our Heavenly Father’s plan for our happiness. We gain strength by understanding that we really are His sons and daughters—and by understanding that we really are (or can be if we’re not already) in a covenant relationship with Him whereby we are bound to Him and He is bound to us. We gain that quiet, internal strength by repenting and by exercising faith that sincere repentance leads to forgiveness. We gain that quiet, resolute strength by recognizing the presence of the Holy Ghost and seeking more of it.
Brothers and Sisters, each of us has true, powerful reasons for acknowledging our value in full humility and strength—and of recognizing also our weakness and our dependence on God. But our God loves us and will lift us if we will turn to Him in humility.
May we each do so. May we be filled with gratitude for God’s kindness to us and for the possibilities he provides us. May we be filled with a sense of our value, born of a proper understanding of who we are—and may we be filled with humility for who we aren’t yet and for our dependence on our Father, our Savior, and the Holy Ghost. May we thrive with a proper and healthy sense of self that is reflected in our words, our dress, and our behavior. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Your Testimony
My comments today are mostly directed toward young people. But I’m going to talk to you like adults and I’m going to be as plain and frank as I know how to be. I want to talk to you about your testimonies.
It seems to me that testimonies are a bit like baseball. In a baseball game, you’ll find yourself at times surrounded by teammates out in the field or safe in the dugout together—yet there come moments when you stand all alone at the plate. Just you and the pitcher and nobody to lean on. Others may cheer you on, but nobody but you will be able to stop that fastball before it crosses over for a strike—or hits you in the ear.
Similarly, each of you will need to make your own independent decisions regarding matters of faith, testimony, and the Church.
The Church is True?
I worry about the oft-repeated statement, “I know the Church is true.” It is said positively, of course, and with good intentions. It affirms (albeit vaguely) an acceptance of the Church. But I worry that it creates a framework for judging the Church unfairly—because if it’s “true,” it must then all be true, and if, then, anything or anyone is amiss, then the whole thing must apparently, after all, not be true.
Let me give some examples:
- The Church teaches doctrines that are true. Does that mean that every statement made by every Church leader in the history of the Church is correct? No. Does it mean you’ll never hear a false comment or teaching in a Church meeting on Sunday? No. But does an incorrect statement in the classroom or even from the pulpit negate the fact that the Church teaches doctrines that are true? No, it does not.
- Or… The Church is led by apostles and prophets who receive revelation and inspiration. That is true. Does that mean that God provides for them a constant stream of highly specific, detailed instructions such that their own judgment and biases never contribute to their decisions and they never err? No. But does an erroneous judgment, even by a Church leader, negate the fact that the Church is led by inspired men who hold legitimate priesthood keys that can bless you and your family? No, it does not.
- One more… The Church teaches that we should love our neighbors—that we should be Christ-like and full of charity. That is true. Does that mean that no church-going neighbor of yours will ever be judgmental, thoughtless, insensitive—or maybe just flat-out rude and offensive? No. But does a church-going neighbor’s poor behavior mean the Church is a driver of civic unrest and therefore false? No, it does not.
The Church is a divinely inspired and divinely authorized institution run by humans. The humanity in the Church sometimes obscuring its divinity no more negates that divinity than clouds obscuring the sun reduce the importance of the sun.
Great Truths
In the doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ, there are, as President Nelson recently taught, three great truths:
- We are, in a very literal sense, children of Heavenly Parents.
- Our Father in Heaven desires a covenant relationship with us wherein He and we commit to each other—in a very deep way through which the greatest blessings of eternity become available to us.
- Jesus Christ helps us overcome the issues that prevent us from completing that covenant path on our own if we will receive and follow Him.
Critical to those great truths is this: The Church plays an essential role in connecting us with these truths, as it is only through the ordinances of the restored priesthood that we can make the necessary covenants with our Father and formally commit in the Savior’s way to discipleship to Him.
A loving Heavenly Father, the Covenant Path, and Jesus as our Savior. These three things are each true and correct. I “know” that through a host of experiences. But your turn to stand at the plate, largely by yourself, is coming. You will need to know for yourself. So how do you find out?
Primary Questions
Let’s start with distinguishing between what Elder Corbridge calls the Primary and the Secondary questions—or, in other words, the “critically important” and the “important but not nearly critically so” questions. Let’s also acknowledge the “difficult” questions, which I think should get a category of their own.
The critically important, or “primary,” questions revolve around the three great truths just mentioned. Here they are again in a little different order and in the form of questions…
- Does God really exist, and, if so, what is the nature of my relationship with Him?
- Is Jesus really my Savior? Do I even need a Savior? If God is really a loving father, won’t he just forgive my mistakes anyway?
- Does the Church, in fact, play an essential role in my relationship with my Heavenly Father and the Savior? More specifically: Are the ordinances and covenants offered to all of humanity by the Church truly essential for me?
Those are the primary questions. Those are the ones you’ll need to answer.
Secondary Questions
“Secondary” questions include such things as:
- Where did the Book of Abraham come from?
- Why does the Book of Mormon talk about horses?
- Why isn’t every account of the First Vision identical?
- Why do changes in the Church sometimes coincide with social and political pressures?
- Why are temple ordinances similar to masonic rituals?
- Et cetera. It’s a long list.
For a person who is positively settled with the primary questions, the secondary questions are distantly secondary because answers to them come with relative simplicity—and because they are outside the core issues of our relationship with God. A person’s anxiety over the secondary questions will typically be proportional to their uncertainty regarding the primary questions.
Further, it is a myth that one must first answer the secondary questions before he or she can answer the primary questions. There is an easy answer to the Book of Abraham question, for example, but I don’t need to know it before I can conclude that God is my Father, that covenants matter, and that Jesus is my Savior.
Difficult Questions
What about what I would call the difficult questions? These include such things as:
- How can the Savior’s Church deny temple marriage to gay couples or transgender individuals—especially when Jesus, himself, during his life, championed those who were rejected by others?
- How do we explain polygamy—past and… future? And should we be worried about it?
- Why did the Church go for so long withholding priesthood and temple blessings from black people? Why did it go for any amount of time doing that?
These questions always—but today more than at any time in the history of the world, perhaps—strike at the very dead center of our sensibilities regarding equity, fairness, and justice—and that makes them more difficult. They are also difficult because any specific, Church-centered answers to them involve important unknowns.
If we can’t answer the primary questions positively, we will see these difficult issues as irreconcilable conflicts between the Church’s claim to priesthood authority and the virtue of equity.
If we can answer the primary questions positively, then, even though the difficult issues remain difficult, we will be willing to trust in a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for His children—all of his children; we’ll be willing to trust in the power of an infinite Atonement; and we’ll be willing to trust in the merger of divine inspiration and human imperfection that both inform Church leaders—but with emphasis on the former.
(With regard to any question that seems difficult to us, it is important to remember that we don’t share the same perspective as Church leaders—and we definitely don’t share the same perspective as God.)
Gaining a Testimony
So, then, back to the important primary questions. How do I settle them and gain a testimony? I suggest you do five things.
First, take a positive approach. Too much skepticism that the world is round—or that the earth revolves around the sun—only impeded people’s ability to recognize the truth. The opposite of such a mistake, though—blind faith—is not the answer. We should most definitely be thoughtful! But a person’s approach to testimony must involve some desire and willingness to believe—and must include the fair and objective approach we should always take toward learning and truth-seeking.
Unless your name is Saul or Alma—and I don’t know any Sauls or Almas in our stake—an antagonistic approach to the question of the Church’s validity will only land you where you started. A desire to exercise faith—which Alma speaks of in the Book of Mormon—and an open mind are not mutually exclusive concepts.
Second, begin to learn how the Spirit communicates with you. The scriptures point out that the “voice” of the Spirit is still and small and gentle. It is not in the windstorm, the earthquake, or the fire. It is subtle. It is with you more often than you perhaps realize. It can speak to you in your mind and your heart. We experience the Spirit at different times in different ways and we are each different. It comes exceedingly seldom in an unmistakable vision or audible voice. It is quiet.
Why is this so? Why doesn’t God just speak loudly and unmistakably clearly to us? Because, I suppose, if He was going to do that, we might as well have just stayed with Him where He could personally instruct us. But we were separated from Him for a reason—to struggle and learn with agency and opposition and choices—and to learn to walk by faith. God will communicate with us, but not in a manner that imposes excessive influence over our agency.
Nevertheless, you can learn to discern—and constantly improve at discerning—both the presence and the absence of the Holy Ghost—especially as you strive to keep your baptismal covenant. For me, I would describe the Spirit best as feelings of love, clarity, and quiet approval. And I would describe the absence of the Holy Ghost as feelings of emptiness, negativity, and being alone.
Third, learn, ponder, and pray. Prayer is an essential element of seeking a testimony—but so is trying to understand what you’re praying about. You’ll need to study. Since billions of people and thousands of years haven’t settled the question of the Bible’s value, you’ll want to focus your studies on the Book of Mormon and on the words of living prophets. If those are true, then the Bible is also, even if not in every small detail.
Jesus said, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” The Book of Mormon also tells that we should ask God if the Book of Mormon is true and that “by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.” This does not mean that we simply ask God a question and he drops down a note with the answer on it from heaven. You will need to work to discern an answer, the timing of which is uncertain.
Fourth, live the gospel. The importance of this cannot be understated. Jesus said, “If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or… [not]”. We should also place a lot of weight on this statement from Joseph Smith, who said that “a [person] would get nearer to God by abiding by [the] precepts [of the Book of Mormon], than by any other book.”
If you want to know if the Book of Mormon is true, you don’t need to stress over the secondary questions related to it, you need to live what it teaches. You won’t learn Spanish by speaking English and you won’t learn how to shoot a free throw by watching others do it. You’ll need to jump in. It is no small thing that the Book of Mormon is the “keystone of our religion.” Its power is most effectively unlocked when we try to live its teachings.
Fifth, consider the fruits of living the actual teachings of the Church—as opposed to misperceptions, misinterpretations, cultural flaws within the Church, or criticisms of the Church. What does the restored Church teach, encourage, and sometimes prod me to do? It tries to help me…
- Be a good husband
- Be a good father
- Be a good neighbor and a contributing citizen
- Serve others
- Develop Christlike attributes such as kindness, compassion, mercy, patience, and love
- Practice living by optimism, faith, and hope
- Be healthy—and become physically and emotionally self-reliant
- Strive for growth and improvement—while at the same time being kind and fair toward myself
- Seek learning
- Care for the poor and alleviate suffering
- Accept my value, potential, and lovability—and that of others
- Accept peace for the eventual resolution of the things that hurt or worry me
- And other good things.
One of the reasons the secondary questions are so distantly secondary is because—though they are often wielded as weapons of criticism against the Church—the strength of those weapons diminishes quickly in comparison to the good the Church brings about in the lives of individuals and families who embrace the Church’s actual teachings.
My Testimony
There are many good and important questions. Some are primary. I encourage you to settle the answers to those in your hearts and minds and then continue with them as you learn and grow.
- We do have a loving Father in Heaven.
- The covenants we make with Him through restored priesthood authority and ordinances are of utmost importance.
- Jesus Christ is our Savior.
I testify—from the basis of my own study, ponder, and prayer; my own interactions with the Holy Ghost; and the fruits I see born out in my life as I strive to keep my covenants—that God is our Father, Jesus is our Savior, and our Church-provided priesthood covenants matter, a lot, in our relationships to Them. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Living "after the manner of happiness" 